Beer Syndicate Previews Fake Brews from the News

It was only a matter of time before fake news penetrated the beer world.  And with that, here are previews of three fake brews from the news:

Black Out Brett
Mark your calendars because no matter what, one of the most controversial releases of the decade is set to hit the shelves from the critically-acclaimed Dog & Pony Show Brewing Co. out of Washington, D.C.  Sworn in at a staggering 19.82% ABV, Black Out Brett is an American strong dark ale fermented with 100% brettanomyces yeast, and especially brewed for those people who categorically and unequivocally like beer.  Regardless of your politically leanings, Black Out Brett is guaranteed to be a carefully calculated and orchestrated hit!

Black Out Brett

Banksy’s Going, going, gone… Gose

The inspiration for this limited-release brew was ripped straight from the headlines after the iconic painting Girl with Red Balloon from famed England-based graffiti artist “Banksy” self-destructed as it was fed through a shredder hidden inside the frame moments after being sold at auction for $1.4 million.  Not long after, the anonymous Banksy posted to Instagram “Going, going, gone…”, summing up the moment he literally and figuratively made art history.

Meanwhile, in a case of art imitating art, Banky’s Going, going, gone… Gose from the London-based Now You See It, Now You Don’t Brewing Co. not only captures that sour moment in a bottle with this acidic ale, but the bottle itself also actually self-destructs upon opening when a widget inside the bottle triggers the bottom of the bottle to open, causing the beer inside to fall out.

Banksy's Going, going, gone... Gose!

Shock Value IP-Ye!

Never known for resorting to shock value for attention, this brew pays homage to the rapper formerly known as Kanye West for doing the one thing Ye never does: resorting to shock value for attention.  A special one-time release from the Chicago-based brewery Optional Slavery, Shock Value IP-Ye! is ornately packaged in a 24-karat gold bottle, making it not only the world’s most expensive beer at $100,000 a pop, but also the world’s hoppiest brew weighing in at jaw dropping 1 billion IBUs thanks to a MAGA-dose of ultra-concentrated hop extract.  Shock Value IP-Ye! is so needlessly over the top that it’ll make even Tyler Swift scream “Good Yeezus!

Shock Value IP-Ye!

[Proceeds from this beer go to support Mr. West’s 2024 U.S. presidential bid featuring running mate Beyoncé.]

Most Expensive Beer in the World


Hi, I’m D.J. Pander.  I like beer.  I also blog. Follow me on Myspace.

[To the best of our knowledge, all of the proceeding beers are fictional parodies based on world events that may or may not have happened.]

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The Six “New” Beer Styles of 2018

It was revealed at the 2018 National Homebrew Conference by Gordon Strong, current president of the Beer Judge Certification Program, that six beer styles are on the verge of being officially canonized into the defacto authority on beer styles, the BJCP Beer Style Guidelines.

Technically these new beer styles aren’t exactly new, nor have they yet been formally inducted into the BJCP Beer Style Guidelines as fully-fledged beer styles because the guidelines are only revised every five years or so. This means that until the next revamp of the guidelines occurs, these “new” beer styles are considered “provisional” and may be subject to revision.

That said, in addition to the already 121 existing BJCP beer styles, the new provisional styles are:

1. New England IPA: Generally an American IPA but with intense fruit flavor and aroma, soft body, smooth mouthfeel, often opaque, hazy, less perceived bitterness, always hop-forward, “juicy”, malt in background, with a soft finish and no sulfate bite.

2. Grisette: Essentially a session version of a saison ale with wheat. Originating in Belgium as a style associated with coal miners (not farm workers), a Grisette exhibits a saison-like aroma (spicy, phenolic, fruit/citrusy), high carbonation, big white head, and is often dry-hopped.

3. New Zealand Pilsner: This style can be brewed as either an ale or lager and is similar to a German Pils, but is not as crisp and sharp in the finish, has a softer, maltier balance with slightly more body. NZ Pils utilizes New Zealand hop varieties (Motueka, Riwaka, Nelson Sauvin, etc.) which commonly exhibit notes of tropical fruit, melon, lime, gooseberry, grass, and citrus.
New Zealand Pilsner

4. Burton Ale:  Popular in Burton, England before IPAs were invented, and widely exported to the Baltic countries, Burton ales are dark, rich, malty, sweet, and bitter with moderately strong alcohol. Full bodied and chewy with a balanced hoppy finish and a complex malty and hoppy aroma. Dark dried fruit notes accentuate the malty richness, while the hops help balance the sweeter finish.
Burton Ale

5. Mexican Lager: A dry refreshing lager that usually incorporates corn, noble-type hops, and always uses Mexican yeast. The range of the style is wide in terms of bitterness, hops, and malt flavor, but is modeled around craft versions (Ska’s Mexican Logger, etc.), not mass-produced industrial examples.

6. Catharina Sour: A local Brazilian style, this light and sour fruit beer exhibits clean lactic sourness (not funk or acetic vinegar notes), strong and immediately noticeable fresh fruit character (often tropical), low bitterness, light body, high carbonation and incorporates wheat at roughly equal proportions to barley. With an ABV of 4-5.5%, Catharina sour is like a stronger version of a Berliner Weisse (not as sour as a lambic or gueuze), refreshing, and typically kettle soured, followed by a clean ale yeast fermentation.


Hi, I’m Dan: Beer Editor for Beer Syndicate, Beer and Drinking Blogger, Beer Judge, Award-Winning Brewer, Beer Reviewer, American Homebrewers Association Member, Shameless Beer Promoter, and Beer Traveler.

 

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Analysis of the Hangover Cures from Three Sheets

If you’ve never heard of the drinking/travel show Three Sheets, well, not to oversell it, but it is very likely the greatest drinking show.  Ever.  Over the course of four seasons (52 episodes), endearingly witty host Zane Lamprey (a.k.a. “The Guinea Pig of Booze”) traversed the globe and imbibed in everything from a majestic $10,000 bottle of 50-year-old scotch in Scotland, to snake penis wine in Taiwan.

[Three Sheets Logo]

(By the way, if you missed the original series run, you can find it on YouTube, Hulu, etc.  And if you’re thirsty for new episodes, you’re in luck because Three Sheets is coming back!)

Of course, being a dedicated drinking diplomat usually comes at a price which is customarily paid in the form of a hangover.  But with almost every new hangover came a hangover cure— some more effective than others.

That said, sometimes the actual effectiveness of the hangover cures presented on the show was a bit vague.  But we did our homework, and it turns out that there’s actually a Three Sheets book (4.5/5 stars on Amazon) that offered more clarity.  So in the spirit of thoroughness, we’ll take a look at the hangover cures/remedies listed on the show and book.

(If you’re curious what caused the hangover in each episode, check out our quasi episode guide called Every Hangover Cure from Three Sheets.)

Analysis of the Hangover Cures from Three Sheets (T.V. Show)

We’re going to keep this analysis pretty simple and only look at four things: (1) the hangover cure from a given episode, (2) the country/city with which the cure is associated, (3) the cultural accuracy of the cure, and (4) the cure’s effectiveness.  To be fair, in cases where we were unable to confirm the cultural accuracy of a given hangover cure, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not culturally accurate.

Also, it should go without saying that the effectiveness of a given hangover cure is purely based on Zane’s personal experience, so your mileage may vary.  In addition, not every episode of Three Sheets contains a hangover cure either because no hangover was reported, as with the Japan and Greece episodes, or simply because none was given, as with the episodes for London, New York, Vince, Barcelona, Saigon, Cognac, Lithuania, and Barbados.

Lastly, we didn’t list the hangover cure for the Poland episode (splashing around at an indoor waterpark) mainly because Zane pointed out that getting in water was one of his personal hangover cures and it was therefore not directly linked to that particular country.  (This might also explain why we weren’t able to confirm the cultural accuracy of similar hangover cures for Denmark, Croatia and Tahiti.)

Below is a sortable list of the hangover cures from Three Sheets (T.V. Show):

Hangover Cure
(T.V.)
Country/
City
Confirmed as
Culturally Accurate?
Did it work?
ChocolateBelgiumNoYes
Tortas ahogadas (meat sandwich w/ hot sauce)Tequila (Mexico)YesYes
A cold dip in the AdriaticCroatiaNoYes
Fried shrimp, shrimp ceviche, frog legs, and beetle larvaThe PhilippinesYesYes
A liver-targeted reflexology massageTaipei (Taiwan)NoYes
Açaí (smoothie)Rio de Janeiro (Brazil)YesYes
Lamprey eelPortugalYesYes
An icy cold dip in the Limfjord sea.DenmarkNoYes
Pad kee mao (spicy drunken noodles).Bangkok (Thailand)YesYes
A canyon swing over a 360 foot canyon.New ZealandNoYes
Swimming with the dolphinsTahitiNoYes
Poutine and beerWhistler (Canada)YesYes
Sancocho soupPanamaYesYes
Marijuana (tea)JamaicaNoYes
Irish coffeeIrelandSort of. Alcohol in general is, not specifically "Irish coffee".Unknown, but yes per the book.
Champagne and a hamburgerLas Vega (USA)NoUnknown, but yes per the book.
Scrambled ostrich eggCape Town (South Africa)YesUnknown, but yes per the book.
Chicken soupTanzaniaYes, "supu" (soup) chicken or otherwise.Maybe, but yes per the book.
Coffee/coffee+beer/coffee+brandyCosta RicaSort of. Alcohol in general is.Maybe. (The booze got Zane drunk again.)
MicheladaBelizeYesMaybe. (Hangover was postponed.)
White sausage (veal) and a pretzelMunich (Germany)YesMaybe, but not instantly.
Sopa marina (seafood soup)ChileYes (a.k.a. Caldillo de Congrío)Maybe
A lomilomi (Hawaiian-style) massageHawaiiNoMaybe
Fish stew with hot saucePuerto RicoSort of. Asopao (chicken & rice soup) is, but fish stew isn't.Maybe
Herring sandwichAmsterdam (Netherlands)YesMaybe
Scrambled eggs, biscuits, sausage with a drink of coffee and whiskyKentucky, USANoNot fully
Cockles and laverbreadWalesYesNo
Haejang-guk (hangover soup)South KoreaYesUnknown
ChampagneChampagne (Fr.)NoUnknown
A soak in a beer bathCzech RepublicNoUnknown
Fire cuppingHong KongYesUnknown
Fried eggs, fried toast, beans, pork sausage and Danish baconGibraltarNoUnknown
A hamburger with a battered and fried patty, battered and fried candy bars, and fried pizzaScotlandNoUnknown
BBQ and yerba matéArgentinaNoUnknown
A buttery baked potatoMoscow (Russia)NoUnknown
Zip-liningSt. MartinNoUnknown
(1) Riding a quad and (2) downing "Buffalo Milk" (mixed drink)Namibia(1) No, and (2) yesUnknown
Labskaus (corned beef, onions and potatoes)Hamburg (Germany)YesUnknown
Black pudding, Cumberland sausage, smoked herring, a pork sausage and a double-vodka bloody MaryNewcastle (England)Yes (English breakfast & alcohol)Unknown
Lobster soup and Icelandic vodkaIcelandNoUnknown

The chart below shows how common a particular hangover cure from Three Sheets were:

* Because the composition of “breakfast food” can vary from culture to culture, we use the term when a given culture refers to their dish/hangover cure as breakfast food.

Analysis of the Hangover Remedies from Three Sheets (Book)

For this analysis, we keep it really simple and just list three things: (1) the hangover remedy, (2) the country/city with which the hangover remedy is associated, and (3) the remedy’s effectiveness.

By the way, the book points out that there is no such thing as a total hangover cure (because that wouldn’t stay a secret for long), and therefore uses the term hangover remedy instead of cure.

In addition, the book spells out the effectiveness of all but one hangover remedy by assigning each one a rating of 1 – 3 (or 4) sheets.  To explain, “a hangover remedy that gets a one-sheet rating would do the trick if you only had a few beers the night before.  Two sheets is for the morning after you had more than a few but you still remember how you got home.  A remedy that’s three sheets is effective for even the surliest of hangovers— the ones that usually linger until well into the next evening.”

And last but not least, despite the fact that the book is clearer than the show when it comes to hangover remedies, only 15 remedies were discussed, some of which were different than what were featured on the show.

Below is a sortable list of the hangover remedies from Three Sheets (Book):

Hangover Remedy (Book)Country/CityEffectiveness
(1 - 4 Sheets)
Onion soupChampagne, France1
HaggisScotland1
Mussels & friesBelgium2
Green tea, miso soup and "genki" caffinated drinksJapan2
Liver-targeted reflexology massageTaipei (Taiwan)2
MatéArgentina2
Chicken soupTanzania2
Scrambled ostrich eggSouth Africa2
Pickle soupPoland2
Irish coffeeIreland3
Tortas ahogadas (meat sandwich w/ hot sauce)Tequila, Mexico3
Champagne & a hambugerLas Vegas, USA3
Marijuana (tea)Jamaica4
Canyon swing (like a bungee jump)New Zealand4
Coconut juice w/ a shot of ginSt. MartinInconclusive

Last Words

In an interview, Zane candidly summed up his experience with hangover cures:

Q: Have you ever experienced a hangover cure that actually worked?

A: If I had found something that was a hangover cure, I would have much more money than I do now. I definitely have found remedies. A big meal and go back to sleep is the best I can do. I’ve done cold water a few times.

Q: You’re not talking about drinking cold water?

A: No, submerging my entire self into it. Your endorphins and your adrenaline start pumping because your body thinks you’re about to die so at that point your hangover becomes tertiary. I think that’s the best you can do — put your hangover in third place.

Cheers!


Hi, I’m Dan: Beer Editor for Beer Syndicate, Beer and Drinking Blogger, Beer Judge, Gold Medal-Winning Homebrewer, Beer Reviewer, American Homebrewers Association Member, Shameless Beer Promoter, and Beer Traveler.

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The Brewer Who Quit Drinking Beer

I love beer.  I brew it.  I write about it.  And on occasion I have been known to enjoy a pint or two.

So why stop doing something I love?  I know what you’re thinking: because I have a drinking problem.

Well, I suppose if I’m being honest, there were a few times in the past where I admit I did have a drinking problem, but I can truthfully say that I’ve become more responsible since then, and today I always make sure that I have enough beer around so that I’ll never have a problem drinking again.

And just in case you were wondering, no, I’m not Catholic, so I’m not giving beer up for lint (I’ve already got plenty of that in my dryer).

I’m not quitting beer because I got fat (I’m cursed with the metabolism of a hummingbird), I didn’t just have a kid and suddenly get the urge to be Capt. Role Model, nor did I just recently drink too much only to swear off booze until the next time.  So why quit?

I guess for me, it’s a self-control thing because proper beer contains alcohol and alcohol can be addictive (allegedly), so testing the old willpower now and again by abstaining from beer and alcohol in general could be a good thing.  Or maybe it’s a terrible idea.

Only one way to find out!

Also, I’m only quitting for a month.  (I’m stupid, not crazy.)

Predictions

Aside from the obvious reduction in fun, here are a few predictions I’ll make about my month with no beer:

1. Unforgiveable financial damage to local breweries from me not buying their beer which in turn will hurt their families, babies, and their cute little puppies and kitties.
2. Less beer cans and bottles being recycled which will increase global warming and melt the ice caps, thus forcing polar bears to join ISIS.
3. Fewer hangovers.

The Plan

I sometimes get the feeling that my brain likes to think of drinking beer as a reward, so I’ll keep the drinking part, but just swap out the beer with another beverage I also enjoy, in this case tea, and hope my brain doesn’t catch on.

That’s right, the old Pavlovian Switcheroo.

Let’s just hope that my brain is stupid enough to fall for my sneaky little ruse because if it gets wise, there’s no telling what it might do…

A Month Without Beer

Day 1: “No drinks for the month starts today!  Cheers!” was the text I just sent my buddy who said he’d also attempt to go dry with me for the month.  I’m not sure if it’s important to mention this, but the first time my buddy and I met years ago, he told me that he had just quit drinking.

To his credit, I will say he is pretty experienced at quitting as he’s quit drinking about a dozen or more times since then.  Who better to have on my team than this seasoned pro, right?

The truth is, it does make it a little easier going cold turkey when you have somebody in your corner who’s going to tough it out with you too.

Just got a text back: my buddy is headed out to the pub for a pint.

I’ve gotta hand it to him, he quit quitting drinking on the same day.  That is some next-level quitting.  I told you he was a pro.

I, on the other hand, am not a quitter.  Well, except for quitting beer for the month.  And then quitting this whole dumb personal experiment at the end of the month.

Day 2: The day before yesterday was my “Fat Tuesday”, the day you’re supposed to indulge in a bit of gluttony that will hopefully sustain you for the next 40 days of trying to be good before you can start being bad again.

That’s the day I enjoyed the last beer I’d have for a month.  It was a tasty German Hefeweizen I brewed that was just coming into its prime.  I also had a Miller Low-Life with a slice of lime, a bottle that was left over from a party from the month before.  (See, I’m not a beer snob because I discovered that almost any otherwise undrinkable beer can be choked down with a squeeze or three of lime!)

Yeah, so two measly beers.  Fat Tuesday… more like Dangerously Emaciated Tuesday.

Day 3: Two thoughts come to mind: (1) This ex-beer-iment is masochistic and dumb, and (2) I really miss that German Hefeweizen.

Time for a pint of beer tea.

Day 4. Here’s the problem with having beer as your only hobby: you have a lot of free time on your hands when you quit.  The question is what to do with all the free time.  I guess I didn’t think this whole thing through.

Day 5: “Here’s to alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”

~ Homer Simpson

Day 6: It just dawned on me that I’m doing a sort of reverse AA (Alcoholics Anonymous): I’m counting down the number of days until I’ll get to have another beer instead of the days I don’t.  I also just realized that the reverse of “AA” is still “AA”.  It also just dawned on me that the increasing application of facial recognition software courtesy of Facebook, Apple and Amazon, might just be helping to take the “anonymous” out of Alcoholics Anonymous (and everything else, for that matter).

Facebook: “The Cloud just tagged you in a photo walking into an AA meeting!”

You: Nervously awaiting likes & comments from friends, family and co-workers.  (Stole that idea from an episode of Black Mirror, Season 6: Booze Clues.)

Day 7: “Like a camel, I can go without a drink for seven days— and have on several horrible occasions.”

~ Herb Caen

Day 8: I think this spot is about deep enough in the article where I’ll have lost most readers so I can actually be honest about something.  I sort of stole this idea.  Well, not the idea of quitting something I like doing for some pre-determined amount of time.  That’s basically a form of fasting, and fasting’s been around for thousands of years (re: most major religions).

What I’m doing is a purely personal and secular form of self-denial.

The part that I stole was from an article I read a while ago… maybe years ago… that essentially did what I’m doing now: give up alcohol for a month and write about it.  (Did I forget to mention that was one of my other intentions?  To have a little semi-provocative writing fodder for when the idea mill hit a lull?)

But I like to give credit where credit’s due, so let me just provide a link to the article that sort of inspired me.  It should be easy to find… it’ll probably be the only article that pops up when I google “a month without drinking”.

Huh.  So it turns out that there was more than one article about quitting booze for a month.  Google returned more than 400 million search results.  Did not see that coming.

Apparently there’s even a recently invented “official month” for not drinking called “Dry January” that seems to have originated in the U.K. around 2013.  (Note to self: Visit the U.K. in January– the drink specials must be insane.)

Meanwhile, four pages deep into the search results and I gave up trying to find that one article that inspired me.  Thanks, Obama.

Day 9: With over 100 different beer styles and easily over a quarter million commercial examples of those styles, a major allure to beer is exploring all its variety and versatility.

Similarly, there’s a vast landscape of tea to discover.  With over 3,000 different varieties in the world, tea, in all of its various incarnations, should keep even the most ferocious curiosity busy for at least a month.

Here are just a few I recommend:

Detox Teas:

# 1: Dandy Live Detox: Unlike roasted dandelion root tea which has a watery coffee and Cracker Jack character, this dandelion tea is very approachable yet flavorful, slightly fruity, and well balanced. 5/5 stars. (Contains milk thistle seed, lemongrass leaf and a blend of other tasty stuff).

By the way, not all dandelion teas are the same and most contain additional ingredients other than just dandelion.  For example, EveryDay Detox Dandelion from Traditional Medicinals has a dominant black licorice anise character to it, which might be a good substitute for those trying to go a month without ouzo.

# 2: Detox Herbal Supplement with Green Tea: Although this tea from Lipton contains dandelion and nettle, it also contains grapefruit, which is by far the star of the show.  If you like grapefruit, this is the detox tea for you.  Not only that, but just one bag is powerful enough to make a pint of tea.

Other Highly Recommended Teas:

Tulsi Sweet Rose Tea: If you’ve ever seen a cat devour a rose bud, you’ll know why after you try this gentle sweet rose tea from Tulsi.

Yogi Mango Ginger and Lemon Ginger: Both of these fruity-ginger teas pack big flavor and nail the balance between the fruit and the ginger.  As a bonus, only one bag of either of these blends is strong enough to make a respectable pint of tea.  (Chai tea is another example of where you can easily get away with one bag per pint.)


Day 10:
  I started to notice that I’m not feeling as full from a pint of tea as I do from a pint of beer.  Hmmm… I need to google something. Be right back.  Okay, so I’m not sure if this has anything to do with it, but it turns out that google says a pint of beer has 208 calories, while a pint of tea has approximately 0-6 (and roughly 20 with a teaspoon of honey).

Analysis: Need to double quadruple-down on the tea.  Might also pick up some Whey Protein for some shakes while I’m at it.

Day 11: I forgot to mention that I was being a little strategic about when I decided to go dry.  No birthdays or any big beer events I could think are going on this month.  Well, aside from packaging a bunch of beer, writing about beer every day, and living in a house that’s swimming in what even the most liberal alcoholic would call “triggers”.

But here’s the point: if you want to give this awful month-long experiment a try yourself, you don’t have to be a trend-bot and get in line with all the Dry Januaryists.  Do whatever month or 30ish day period that works best for you and have “fun”.

Day 12: Today I realized that despite my bragging about being strategic with regards to when I chose to abstain from the drink, if I were more strategic, I would have chosen February to go dry (fewer days).

Day 13: “Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.”

~ George Bernard Shaw

Day 14: It’s been two weeks with no beer or alcohol in general.  I lost 10 pounds, went down a belt notch, and got thinner in the face.  Yep, you’ve probably heard that alcohol can puffy up your mug like a milder version of pregnant-face.  According to a British dermatologist, this happens because alcohol causes peripheral blood vessels to expand and widen (puff-face), which allows more blood to flow through our skin, also making the skin appear redder. 

Science aside, my working hypothesis is that if you lose 10 pounds through dieting, some of that weight is probably going to come off the face.

Day 15: Speaking of oft mentioned benefits of quitting booze, I was really looking forward to the mountains of money I’d be saving after going cold turkey.

In my case, it just so happens that I probably already spent the same if not more on alcohol this month in anticipation of next month when I’ll be celebrating my accomplishment of the month that I didn’t drink any alcohol.

Day 16: Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.”

~ Sammy Davis, Jr.

Day 17: “5 women reveal the pros and cons of not drinking alcohol for 30 days” is the tagline of the currently top-ranked article on google when I search “not drinking for a month”.

Here are some word-bites from that piece and some reactions:

“I spent more time with my daughter connecting, not battling.”

I don’t have a daughter, but if I did, I would like to think that whether I was drinking or not, I would still have the courage to face her on the field of battle.

“I saved money and lost weight—but friends pushed me to sip.”

I didn’t save money, but I lost weight.  My friends didn’t push me to sip because my friends weren’t birthed out of the devil’s butthole.

“[Not drinking] helped my anxiety and depression, and I couldn’t stand being around drunk friends.”

Two things: (1) paradoxically, it sounds like alcohol is having the exact opposite effect on this person than it does for mostly everyone else (anxiety and depression-wise), and (2) this person might want to think about picking up some new friends at the friend store.

Day 18: “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”

~ Oscar Wilde

Day 19: Instead of being known as the person who created “Dry January” that encourages people not to drink alcohol for a month, I’d rather be known as the one who invented “Job-Free July”, the month where employers give their staff a paid month off in July.  Employees could use that month to enjoy some drinks while really reflecting on the negative effects of working.  Bloggers could then write 400 million similar sounding articles about what it was like to give up working for a month.

Day 20: “You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”

~ Dean Martin

Day 21: Lurk around any of the alcohol-related subs (chat forums) on the popular website reddit, and eventually the topic of “do I drink too much” comes up.  Folks chime in with their own personal yardsticks for diagnosing alcoholism from a certain minimum number of drinks consumed in a week/month, to throwing up blood.

From a medical prospective, alcoholism (which is considered both a physical and mental illness) is said to exist when at least two of the following are true:

1)      a person drinks large amounts over a long time period,
2)      has difficulty cutting down,
3)      acquiring and drinking alcohol takes up a great deal of time,
4)      alcohol is strongly desired,
5)      usage results in not fulfilling responsibilities,|
6)      usage results in social problems,
7)      usage results in health problems,
8)      usage results in risky situations (drinking and drive, unsafe sex, etc.),
9)      withdrawal occurs when stopping,
10)   and alcohol tolerance has occurred with use.

It’s probably just a strange coincidence, but those ten lines were all part of my fraternity oath.  Go Kappa Epsilon Gamma (K.E.G.)!!!

Day 22: “An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.”

~ Dylan Thomas

Day 23: In case I needed more proof that I’m living in my own private Truman Show, a large study came out today indicating that “the safest level of drinking is none,” suggesting that any level of alcohol consumption increases a range of certain health risks including cancer.  Perfect timing yet again, The Matrix.

Despite that report, my best thinking/total guessing tells me that if by the time I get cancer from alcohol, there should be a cure.  Then again, if billionaire Steve Jobs couldn’t beat cancer… (Huh, I would’ve thought he had an app for that.  Oh well, at least we got the Apple Watch.)

Day 24:  “The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.”

~ William Butler Yeats

Day 25: There’s plenty of advice out there on how to prep for a month with no drinking including how to reduce or navigate social situations where others might be drinking and even having a few “white lies” at the ready like being on antibiotics or finishing up a project at work.

F that. I really wanted to test my steel, so not only did I not try to avoid situations where people would encourage me to drink, I went head-first into them.  I happily served drinks, packaged lots of beer, and gladly gave beer money to urban outdoors men/stationary non-workers.

Long story short, it wasn’t hard to deal with the supposed social pressure.  “I’ll have a tea” was the only phrase necessary.  (Alright, I didn’t go dry during my birth month, so I guess I wasn’t that hardcore.)

Day 26: You’ve probably heard of that age old secrete to losing weight: diet and exercise.  But there’s an important part that’s missing, namely that diet is more critical than exercise when it comes to weight loss, with some folks putting it at 75% diet and 25% exercise. 

In my case though, I lost 10 pounds in 14 days from not drinking beer, but the ratio was more like 110% diet and -10% exercise seeing as how I was probably lazier this month exercise-wise than usual.  Nevertheless, weight loss is typical for people who give up booze for a month, as was shown in this study where people lost on average 3 pounds.

Day 27: Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.”

~ Ambrose Bierce

Day 28: 28 days.  It’s not only the arbitrarily chosen number of days of sobriety used to break alcoholics of their dependency, it’s also the amount of time it takes for England to be totally overrun by a zombie apocalypse.

Day 29: “In vino veritas” is Latin for “In wine, truth”, and suggests that a person under the influence is more likely to speak their unfiltered thoughts.  Sure does make you suspicious of all the things sober people really think about you but refrain from saying. 

Day 30: “Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!”

~ Martin Luther

Day 31: So here we are.  The final day of “Dry August.”  I suppose there are some people who quit drinking for a month and had some sort of eye-opening, transformative, life-altering, grand revelation about the woes of alcohol.  That’s not me.

And with that, here’s the sugar-free truth of what a month of not drinking looks like:

Cons:

1. Did the same mundane domestic chores I typically do in a month, but with the added benefit of being able to focus more intensely on the boringness of those tasks.
2. Experienced reduced buy-in from people when attempting to blame stupid things I say while sober on alcohol.
3. Found humans more insufferable than usual.
4. Additional time gained from not going out as much only to be reallocated to staying in and watching mediocre content on Netflix.
5. Unlike some anecdotal accounts suggest, I didn’t really notice much of an improvement in the “quality” of my sleep. In fact, I was sleepier and found it more difficult to get out of bed.
6. I might have developed a tea addiction.

Pros:

1. I have to admit that swapping beer for tea really caused me to lose weight and fast. (Note to self: Need to copyright this idea and cash in quick.) In the past, I was under the impression that the reputed “beer belly” was a bit of a myth actually caused by the additional food people typically consume along with the beer. But I concede, beer seems to contribute pounds to the body.
2. Not that I had any doubt, but I proved to myself that I had the will power to go without beer or any alcohol for a month (and possibly indefinitely), but I see no compelling reason to punish myself any further.
3. No hangovers reported.
4. I enjoyed all the tea, and I’ll probably swap out tea for beer more often.
5. No breweries in my city filed for bankruptcy.
6. No polar bears joined ISIS (yet).
7. And sorry, not sorry, but a month without beer really made me appreciate beer more than almost any time in my life.

Last Words

Tomorrow shall be a glorious beer-filled day—a day that will shake the very foundations of the great beer hall of Valhalla.

Skål! (Viking for cheers.)


Hi, I’m D.J. Pander.  I like beer.  I also blog. Follow me on Myspace.

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Every Hangover Cure from Three Sheets

If you’ve never heard of the drinking/travel show Three Sheets, well, not to oversell it, but it is very likely the greatest drinking show.  Ever.  Over the course of four seasons (52 episodes), endearingly witty host Zane Lamprey (a.k.a. “The Guinea Pig of Booze”) traversed the globe and imbibed in everything from a majestic $10,000 bottle of 50-year-old scotch in Scotland, to snake penis wine in Taiwan.

[Three Sheets Logo]

(By the way, if you missed the original series run, you can find it on YouTube, Hulu, etc.  And if you’re thirsty for new episodes, you’re in luck because Three Sheets is coming back!)

Of course, being a dedicated drinking diplomat usually comes at a price which is customarily paid in the form of a hangover.  But with almost every new hangover came a hangover cure— some more effective than others.

That said, sometimes the actual effectiveness of the hangover cures presented on the show was a bit vague.  But we did our homework, and it turns out that there’s actually a Three Sheets book (4.5/5 stars on Amazon) that spells out the efficacy of the hangover cures by assigning each one a rating of 1 – 3 sheets.

To explain, “a hangover remedy that gets a one-sheet rating would do the trick if you only had a few beers the night before.  Two sheets is for the morning after you had more than a few but you still remember how you got home.  A remedy that’s three sheets is effective for even the surliest of hangovers— the ones that usually linger until well into the next evening.”

The only catch with the book is that it only covers 15 hangover cures despite there being 52 episodes in the series, but we’ll do our best to sort it out.  In addition, the book points out that there is no such thing as a total hangover cure (because that wouldn’t stay a secret for long), and therefore uses the term hangover remedy instead of cure.

With that, we present to you:

Every Hangover Cure from Three Sheets

Below we cover the place where the hangover occurred, what caused it, the corresponding hangover cure (when mentioned), and (if possible) how well it worked just in case you ever find yourself in a similar predicament.

Season 1

1. Belgium: Zane drinks a chocolate beer, a 22 proof beer, and booze made from made with Brussels sprouts.

Hangover Cure: On the show, the hangover cure was chocolate. Did it work?  Well, Zane said he didn’t have a hangover anymore, so yes?  However, in the “Belgium” section in the book, there wasn’t a single mention of chocolate as a hangover cure, but instead the remedy was the standard Belgian fare of mussels & fries with a splash of vinegar.  Effectiveness score? 2-out-of-3 sheets.

2. Costa Rica: Bottoms up, amigos, as Zane goes Three Sheets to Costa Rica where he pounds local brewskis including Imperial, Bavaria and Kaiser, followed by a few foo-foo drinks such as a strawberry daiquiri, marisombra (ingredients: peach, coconut cream, amaretto, ice and white rum), a flaming “la cucaracha” (coffee liquor and tequila), and then brings down the house with the dreaded Guaro, also known as “Gringo killer”, a sugar cane based spirit popular in Costa Rica and other Latin American countries.

Hangover Cure: Coffee in various incarnations including regular coffee, coffee + beer (that’s a thing), and coffee + brandy.  Did it work? The coffee & brandy got Zane drunk again, so maybe?

3. Wales: Zane explores Welsh pub culture and takes a crack at the world famous “Mumbles Mile”, a pub crawl where in order to claim victory, you have to imbibe at 10 of the pubs on the route. Among other libations, Zane drinks “real ale” (cask-conditioned ale) such as Brains and Warrior brand brews which despite urban legend are not served at room temperature.

Hangover Cure: Traditional Welsh breakfast of cockles (tiny shell fish) and laverbread (a cooked paste made from seaweed and oatmeal).  Did it work?  Nope.

4. Champagne, France: Yep, the beverage of choice in Champagne is Champagne, Champagne and more Champagne, alleged not to render a hangover. So did Zane get a hangover from Champagne? Spoiler alert: yes.  A rough one.

Hangover Cure: In the book, “onion soup” was listed as the hangover remedy, but was given the lowest effectiveness rating possible with 1-out-of-3 sheets.  On the show, Zane said that there wasn’t a hangover cure in Champagne, so he went out for a little a Champagne breakfast, a.k.a. hair of the dog, or in French “soigner le mal par le mal” (to fight evil with evil).  No mention of its effectiveness.

Booze fact: The expression “hair of the dog” refers to a hangover cure whereby the hangoveree drinks more of the same booze that caused the hangover in the first place.  The phrase is actually short for “hair of the dog that bit you” referring to an old folk remedy against rabies where a person who is bit by a rabid dog is advised to place a bit of that same dog’s hair in the wound; hence the French version of “fighting evil with evil”. 

5. Jamaica: Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme, get on up, it’s drinking time! Rum, Red Stripe and stout were at the root of Zane’s bumboclaat hangover in Jamrock, but is there any remedy?

Hangover Cure: “Herbal” teas.  The show doesn’t really spell it out as directly as does the book, but as you might have guessed the special “herb” in one of the “herbal” teas was none other than one of Jamaica’s main exports: ganja.  On the show, Zane definitely wasn’t feeling hungover after the herbal tea, but rather “irie” (a Jamaican patois term for happy and carefree).  In the book, Zane was a little more explicit about the tea’s effectiveness when he writes that after 30 minutes of ingesting some of the worst tasting tea he’d ever had, he was so stoned that he missed the last camera shoot of the day, and was still toasted on the way to the airport the next morning.

So was the herbal tea any good as a hangover cure?  Put it this way: Zane ended up giving the special tea the absolute highest level of effectiveness with a whopping 4-out-of-3 sheets.  Quote: “Did I feel hungover? Shit, I couldn’t even feel my legs!”

[For more on the Jamaican drinking scene, check out our Guide to The Jamaican Beer Scene.]

6. Ireland: Hangover cause: Guinness, whiskey, and a “special”, or roughly a pint of Smithwick’s topped off with a bit of Guinness (sort of the Irish version of a black and tan).

Hangover Cure: Irish coffee, a.k.a. coffee + whiskey topped with cream. Did it work? Didn’t say in the show, but in the book… it was a resounding yes!  In fact, Irish coffee as a hangover remedy was given a superlative rating of 3-out-of-3 sheets, said to be effective against even the surliest of hangovers.

7. Tequila, Mexico: When in the town of Tequila, drink as the Tequilians do! As such, Zane sipped tequila including reposado (aged 2 months to 1 year) and “extra-añejo”, in this case Jose Cuervo Reserva De La Familia, a blend of tequilas aged up to 30 years. Other tequila-based libations included tamarind margaritas, a few foo-foo drinks, and flaming la cucaracha bombs (a shot of tequila & coffee liqueur dropped into a glass of beer).

Hangover Cure: A meat torta (sandwich) with hot chili sauce.  Did it work? Si Señor, the hot chili sauce officially wiped out the hangover thus earning a 3-out-of-3 sheets of hangover-crushing effectiveness.  That said, Zane points out in the book that food that is spicy, high in fat, and high in protein serves to distract you from being hungover, but sweating from the spice actually dehydrates the body which further increases the hangover.

8. Belize: Belize brought it with Belikin brand lager, mojitos, margaritas, rum & coke, cashew wine (made with the cashew fruit sans the nut) and “viper rum” (a bottle of rum that a viper died in).

Hangover Cure: A Belizean “Michelada” (lemon juice, spices, hot sauce and beer).  Did it work?  Let’s put it this way: the hangover was more so postponed than cured.

Season 2

1. Croatia: Zane imbibed bermet (a spiced desert wine with grapes and spices), lager, Maraschino (cherry liqueur), and travarica (herbed grappa).

Hangover Cure: A cold dip in the Adriatic.  Did it work?  After the plunge, Zane felt more cold than hungover, so let’s call it a wash.

2. Japan: Here’s what the drink menu looked like for the Japan episode: Saké, saké and a lot more saké.

Hangover Cure: Maybe it was the constant flow of food, or the high quality saké, but this was one of only two episodes in the entire series where no hangover cure was required because no hangover was had.

Curiously, the book seems to suggest a different story and lists two “futsukayoi” cures, one for before the bed, and one for after.  By the way, “futsukayoi” is the Japanese word for hangover, and translates as “two days drunk.”

Cure # 1: Ramen soup before you pass out, where the noodles are supposed to fill the belly while the salty broth rehydrates.

Cure # 2: Green tea, miso soup and “genki” drinks for the morning after.  The tea is for the caffeine kick, the soup for the comfort and salt, and the genki to heal just about everything including your hangover, a cold, lack of energy and a low sex-drive.

Zane gave these remedies 2-out-of-3 sheets.  The noodles made the forthcoming hangover slightly more manageable, but didn’t prevent it, and the green tea, miso soup and genki drinks in the morning left Zane cracked out, hungry and over the edge, respectively.  In other words, a fidgety mess.

3. Czech Republic: Hangover cause: Absinth, beer (Pilsner Urquell and the original Budweiser), and becherovka (herbal liqueur).

Hangover Cure: Soaking in a beer bath (bathtub filled with beer).  Did it work? Didn’t say.

4. The Philippines: Hangover cause: Beer (San Miguel) and Lambanog (coco palm liquor) of various strengths (up to 83% ABV).

Hangover Cure: Fried shrimp, shrimp ceviche, frog legs, and beetle larva.  Did it work? Zane said he felt great and a little confused, so that counts!

5. Venice, Italy: Hangover cause: Prosecco (spumante and frizzante), Moretti lager, wine, wine spritzer (wine + aperol + soda water), bitter spritz (same as a wine spritzer, just swap the aperol with Campari), and grappa.

Hangover Cure: None mentioned.  Don’t look at me, I didn’t produce the episode.  Nevertheless, espresso is a fairly common hangover cure throughout Italy.

6. Taipei, Taiwan: Hangover cause: Zane drinks snake’s blood, venom, and bile, snake penis wine, Taiwan Beer, and Kaoliang (a sorghum-based spirit).

Hangover Cure: A painful liver-targeted reflexology massage.  Given a 2-out-of-3 sheets effectiveness rating in the book, after a 60 minute rub down, the hangover was replaced with throbbing feet.

7. Munich, Germany: Hangover cause: Bavarian whiskey (Slyrs brand), schnapps (both raspberry and apple-pear), and plenty of Oktoberfest beer.

Hangover Cure: White sausage (veal) and a pretzel, a hangover cure associated with Bavaria.  Did it work?  Not instantly.

Booze Fact: A common German word for “hangover” is “Katzenjammer”, which translates to “cat’s wail”, where the sufferer’s groans of discomfort is likened to that of a wailing cat.

8. Puerto Rico: Hangover cause: Don Q rum with coconut water, Don Q of various ages, the original piña colada, Medella brand beer, and mojitos.

Hangover Cure: Fish stew with hot sauce.  Did it work?  Well, if getting a runny nose from the hot sauce and hot broth counts, then sure.

9. South Korea: Hangover cause: Soju, originally a rice-based spirit but later was made from sweet potato or tapioca during the Korean War when rice was needed for food, but rice-based versions can again be found today. Mass-produced Cass brand lager, and soju beer bombs.

Hangover Cure: The cure this time was none other than Korean hangover soup!  Made with cow intestines, coagulated cow’s blood, and rice topped off with red pepper spice to sweat the hangover out.  Did it work?  Didn’t say.

10. Kentucky, USA: Buckle up for a trip through Bourbon country as Zane sips, you guessed it, Bourbon including Pappy van Winkle (15, 20, and 23 year old), moonshine and shots.

Hangover Cure: Scrambled eggs, biscuits, sausage with a drink of coffee and whisky. Did it work?  Zane still had a hangover afterwards, so not fully.

11. New York (Manhattan), USA: Zane pub-crawls his way through expensive cocktails, ales, Champagne, lager, Fürst Bismarck (“Korn” or German grain alcohol), saki bombs, infused vodka, tequila and mescal.

Hangover Cure: None.  Did you read that list?  There’s no cure for that.

Season 3

1. Chile: Largely known for its grape-based booze, Chile offered up Malbec, Carménère, and Muscat wines, followed up with Pisco (Muscat liquor), and Pisco sours (pisco + egg white + table sugar + lemon juice + Angostura Bitters). Finishing off the night with blonde and brown ale, Zane ends up with an all-too familiar hangover courtesy of Chile.

Hangover Cure: Sopa marina (seafood soup).  Did it work?  Zane felt different, which doesn’t necessarily mean better, so that one ends up in the “maybe” pile.

2. Rio de Janeiro, Brazil: Hangover cause: Beer, caipirinha (the national cocktail of Brazil), and cachaça (a sugarcane-base spirit).

Hangover Cure: Açaí smoothie.  It’s high in antioxidants, fiber (good for digestion) and iron (helps circulate oxygen throughout the body).  Did it work?  Quote: “It has cured my hangover. I’m no longer three-sheets; I’m on a sugar high.”

3. Portugal: Hangover cause: Port wine (white, ruby and tawny), vinho verde (both the red “tinto” and green, and sparkling versions), beer, mystery liquor, and Ginjinha (Portuguese sweet liqueur).

Hangover Cure: Lamprey eel (sucker fish). Did it work?  Yes siree, hangover gone!

4. Hong Kong: Hangover cause: French cognac, beer (International Brand and “Hong Kong Beer” microbrews), Gaoliang (sorghum based alcohol) infused with herbs, and cocktails (whiskey & green tea, etc.).

Hangover Cure: Fire cupping.  Not sure, but probably not.

5. Las Vega, USA: Hangover cause: In the heart of sin city, Zane takes a gamble on cocktails, Dom Perignon Rosé, wine, shots, and Martinis.

Hangover Cure: Zane orders up a little room service Vegas-style with a morning burger and a bottle of Champagne for $777.  Delivered by a butler, the Champagne was Dom Perignon Rose (which retails for around $300 a bottle), and a $65 burger from the Burger Brasserie (I think that math adds up.)

Though it wasn’t explicitly mentioned as the hangover cure on the show, the book confirms it and earned a respectable 3-out-of-3 sheets, and was listed as one of Zane’s top three hangover remedies ever ingested.

6. Gibraltar: Hangover cause: John Collins (angostura bitters, ice, gin, lemon and lime juice, topped with soda water), Old Speckled Hen, and Stroh, an Austrian spiced rum weighing in at 80% ABV.

Hangover Cure: A greasy breakfast of fried eggs, fried toast, beans, pork sausage and Danish bacon from Star Bar, the oldest bar in Gibraltar.  The theory is that grease dilutes the alcohol in the arteries while hardening them.  Did it work?  Didn’t say.

7. Denmark: Hangover cause: Beer, both Carlsberg and a $420 oak-aged barelywine of Jacobsen brand beer at 10.5% ABV, cocktails, Fisk (black licorice and menthol flavored spirit), Akvavit and snaps.

Hangover Cure: An icy cold dip in the Limfjord, a shallow sea in northern Denmark.  Did it work?  Here’s what Zane had to say: “One thing I have to admit: the agony inflicted by the unspeakable feeling of cold has definitely overpowered whatever hangover I had.”  In a word, yes.

8. Saigon, Vietnam: Hangover cause: Bia hoi (fresh beer), Saigon Export and Bia Saigon Special brand beer (“special” because it’s made with imported Australian rice), rice-based vodka, and snake wine.

Hangover Cure: Zane skipped the typical Phở and went for a haircut and a massage.

9. Scotland: Hangover cause: Zane drinks a lot of, what else, Scotch, including a pour from a $10,000 bottle Glenfiddich 50 year.

Hangover Cure: On the show, Zane samples a hamburger with a battered and fried patty, battered and fried candy bars, and fried pizza, but doesn’t really say if it worked.

In the book, haggis (minced and spiced sheep organs inside a sheep’s intestine) is the hangover remedy, which was given 1-out-of-3 Sheets in terms of effectiveness stating that “something that makes you sick to your stomach before you even eat it won’t do much better to reduce your nausea.”

10. Barcelona, Spain: Hangover cause: Different kinds of Cava (sparkling wine), aguardiente (Spanish grappa), beer, and lots of sangria.

Hangover Cure: None mentioned, but we won’t leave you hanging.  One common hangover cure from Barcelona is eggs estrellados (fried eggs over French fries).  Olé!

11. Cognac, France: Hangover cause: Zane drank his way through eau de vie and, of course, plenty of Cognac.

Hangover Cure: No hangover cure was mentioned, but then again no hangover was reported.  Either way, a popular French hangover cure is cassoulet, a hearty meat and white bean casserole.

12. Bangkok, Thailand: Hangover cause: Chang brand beer, Sang Som rum, Mekhong Whiskey (which is actually more of a rum), and a Mai Thai.

Hangover Cure: Pad kee mao, or spicy drunken noodles. Did it work?  Here’s what Zane said, “With every burning bite comes more sweat and less of a hangover sensation, until all I’m left with is pure burning heat and a profound need for something cool.”  Sounds like a yes.

13. Argentina: Hangover cause: Fernet Branca (bitter herbal liqueur with more than 60 herbs, spices, roots, and fruits), fernet and cola, gancia batido (basically an Argentinian pisco sour), Quilmes brand lager beer, and wines such as Malbec and Torrontés.

Hangover Cure: BBQ and yerba maté.  In the book, it was just the maté, which was given 2-out-of-3 sheets.

14. Moscow, Russia: Hangover cause: Beer, vodka (potato or grain-based neutral spirit only), Samogon (Russian moonshine, which in this case was made with table sugar and spiced with St. John’s-wort and aged for one year), and Yorsh (a vodka beer bomb).

Hangover Cure: A buttery baked potato. Did it work?  Who knows.

15. London, England: Hangover cause: Gin martini, tequila, cocktails, aquavit, shots, cider, distilled cider, a “mosquito” (a scotch-based mojito), and beer.

Hangover Cure: None mentioned.

Season 4

1. New Zealand: Hangover cause: Moonshine, whiskey cream, Speight’s Gold Medal Ale brand beer, “Sir Ed” cocktail (muddled apricots, honey & lemon, date-infused vodka, with a splash of Nepalese Nepali tea and rum), Monteith’s (original ale and black ale), and more cocktails.

Hangover Cure: A canyon swing over 360 feet (it’s like a bungee jump).  Did it work? Yep.  4-out-of-3 sheets, per the book.

2. Tanzania: Hangover cause: Engortorogi (Masai bee brew), hibiscus wine, moonshine rum, mbege, Raha banana beer, hard cider, konyagi (similar to gin), and beer brands including Tusker, Kilimanjaro, Safari, and Serengeti.

Hangover Cure: Chicken soup.  Made Zane feel better on the show, and given 2-out-of-3-sheets in the book.

3. Lithuania: Hangover cause: Stumbras ‘Trejos Devynerios’ 999 Bitter Liqueur (a grain spirit made with 27 different ingredients), vodka shots, Alus and Stačias brand beers, mead, and Zalgiris Mead Balsam (distilled and spiced mead weighing in at 75% abv).

Hangover Cure: None mentioned, but we’ll pick up the baton.  Cabbage-sauerkraut soup is a common Lithuanian hangover cure.

4. St. Martin: Hangover cause: Guava berry liqueur, guava berry-colada, Love Potion # 9 (bois bande-infused rum), beer, mixed drinks, pressed sugarcane and gin, ti punch (white rum, lime juice and simple syrup), French Mojito, infused rums including a centipede-infused version.

Hangover Cure: Per the book: fresh coconut juice with a shot of gin. Results? Inconclusive as the mix wasn’t terribly pleasant.  Per the show, zip-lining through the trees.  No results mentioned.

5. Cape Town, South Africa: Zane earns another hangover after sampling a variety of wines including Goats Do Roam (a wine in the style of Côtes du Rhône), Klipdrif brandy, a shot of “Springbok” (Amarula and peppermint liqueur), Umqombothi homebrewed beer fermented from corn meal and sorghum, Ijuba and Chibuku (commercial versions of Umqombothi), Witblits (South African grappa), Castle lager, cocktails, snaps and shots.

Hangover Cure: A scrambled ostrich egg.  Just for reference, an ostrich egg is equivalent to 24 regular-sized chicken eggs, weigh over three pounds and contain about 2,000 calories.  Did it work? Zane gave it 2-out-of-3 sheets in the book.

6. Tuscany, Italy: Zane sips Chianti, Super Tuscan, brunello di montalcino, Elixir de san Bernardo (a spiced liqueur digestive), and Gocce Imperiali, another spiced digestive featuring anise and coriander. Finishing up with a wine-crawl (wine-walk?), Zane becomes the proud new owner of another hangover.

Hangover Cure: A grape-stomping contest, I guess?  Did it work?  Let’s put it this way: When has stomping on grapes not cured a hangover?  In other words, who knows.

7. Hawaii: Hangover cause: A sting of foo foo drinks including a “Lava Flow” (basically a piña colada with strawberries), cocktails, Primo and Maui brand beers, okolehao (Hawaiian moonshine), Pau (vodka distilled from pineapple), and shots of Ocean brand vodka.

Hangover Cure: A lomilomi (Hawaiian-style) massage.  Did it work? Zane said he could feel the alcohol toxins leaving his body, so sure, why not.

8. Poland: Hangover cause: honey vodka (Miodula brand), Goldwasser (anise-flavored liquor with gold flakes), beer (Tyskie brand), vodka (single rye, barley, oats, and potato versions), plum vodka, ground pepper-infused vodka, and Żubrówka, or “Bison Grass Vodka” in English, an herb-flavored vodka made illegal in the U.S. for containing coumarin which is thought to cause liver damage (like alcohol) and thin the blood (like alcohol). A similar tasting, reformulated version of Żubrówka that contains less coumarin can be found today in the U.S.

Hangover Cure: In T.V. Land, Zane’s attempt at a hangover cure is a dip in an indoor waterpark at his hotel, but no mention was made of its effectiveness.  Over in Bookland, the hangover remedy listed was “pickle soup” made from pickles, cream, potatoes, dill, and broth.  This hearty soup hit the spot, but didn’t totally cancel out the hangover, so was awarded 2-out-of-3 Sheets.

9. Namibia: Formerly known as “German South West Africa”, it’s little wonder that the African country of Namibia offers up Zane a smattering of German-influenced brews including Windhoek, Tafel, Urbock, and Hansa brands. To further help Zane along his way to hangoversville, Namibia pours Ovambo liquor (palm wine), brandy & cola, Gehr’s Kaktusfeigen Brand liquor (“Kaktusfeigen” is German for “prickly pear”), and Fälinger (“korn” or grain liquor).

Hangover Cure: Adrenaline in the form of four-wheeling on a quad in the dunes of the Namib Desert. Did it work?  Zane said he felt good afterwards, so sure, why not. In addition, Zane also partook in the more traditional hangover cure of Namibia: buffalo milk, which despite its name does not contain any actual buffalo components but is instead a mixed drink comprised of vanilla ice cream, rum, Amarula cream liqueur, spiced rum, and whole cream.

10. Hamburg, Germany: Hangover cause: Jägermeister, cocktails, flavored vodkas, molecular cocktails, Astra Pilsenser, Küstennebel liqueur (anise-flavored liqueur), and shots of Fischer Geist (56% ABV grain alcohol).

Hangover Cure: Labskaus (corned beef, onions and potatoes), a traditional hangover cure of Northern Germany. Did it work?  Didn’t say.

11. Barbados: Hangover cause: Rum Punch, Mount Gay Rum, Velvet Falernum cocktails, rum cocktails including rum & Kola Tonic, and Banks Beer.

Hangover Cure: None mentioned.  But a common hangover cure in Barbados is coconut water.

12. Newcastle, England: Hangover cause: Newcastle beer, real ale, cocktails, and brandy.

Hangover Cure: Black pudding, Cumberland sausage, smoked herring, a pork sausage and a double-vodka bloody Mary.  Did it work?  Didn’t say.

13. Lesbos, Greece: Hangover cause: Mythos lager beer, Tsipouro (pomace brandy) straight up and as a beer bomb, and a lot of ouzo, including 100% distilled (no blended) Aphrodite brand ouzo.

Hangover Cure: A teaspoon of olive oil as a pre-drinking countermeasure, a slow drinking pace, and snacks throughout the drinking day perhaps all contributed to Zane not having a hangover.

14. Iceland: Hangover cause: Landi (Icelandic moonshine), Icelandic microbrews from the Ölvisholt brewery including one brewed with Angelica (an herb), Brennivín (an iconic herbed liquor also known as “black death”), licorice liqueur, and cocktails with an Icelandic twist.

Hangover Cure: Lobster soup and hair of the dog (Icelandic vodka).  Effectiveness unknown.

15. Tahiti: In his visit to French Polynesia, Zane sips “Vin de Tahiti”, the only wine in the world with a “coral terroir”, pineapple and ginger liqueurs, cocktails, Hinano brand beer (the most popular in Tahiti) and brews from Les 3 Brasseurs, a French beer chain.

Hangover Cure: Cavitation (courtesy of dolphin echolocation), which is a rippling apart of molecules in the soft body tissues. Fancy way of saying ‘swimming with the dolphins.”  Did it work?  Yes.

16. Whistler, Canada: Hangover cause: Manitoba Martini (Canadian Whiskey, ginger ale and ice), beer, beer bombs, Champagne, and cocktails.

Hangover Cure: Poutine and “Dude Beer”.  Did it work?  Per Zane, “Whether it’s the Dude Beer or the fires, my hangover is starting to go away.”

17. Panama: Hangover cause: Chicha fuerte (beer made from germinated corn), Atlas, Balboa and Panama brand lagers, Seco Herrerano (a sugarcane-based spirit), and Ron Abuelo Anejo rum.

Hangover Cure: Sancocho, which is a hearty soup made with chicken, corn, carrots, yucca root and, in this case, habanero hot sauce.  Hot sauce contains capsaicin, which temporarily desensitizes neurons including pain.  Did it work?  “I don’t have a hangover anymore; it’s replaced with burning.”

18. Amsterdam, Netherlands: Hangover cause: Hemp beer, hemp wine, genever (“jen-E-fer”: the predecessor or gin), beer, kruidenbitter (herb infused genever), cannabis absinth, Heineken, shots, Brandy,

Hangover Cure: A herring sandwich.  Did it work?  Per Zane: “Okay, so herring doesn’t necessarily cure a hangover.” Take that for what it’s worth.

Final Words

So there you have it.  Every single hangover cure from Three Sheets.

Speaking of hangover cures… and perhaps this should have mentioned earlier, but back in 2013, Zane did an AMA (Ask Me Anything) on reddit (a website) where he was asked what his go-to hangover cure was.  Zane responded:

“Time is the only cure.”

Cheers!


Hi, I’m Dan: Beer Editor for Beer Syndicate, Beer and Drinking Blogger, Beer Judge, Gold Medal-Winning Homebrewer, Beer Reviewer, American Homebrewers Association Member, Shameless Beer Promoter, and Beer Traveler.

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